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Got up on the wrong side of life today yeah
Crashed the car and I'm gonna be really late
My phone doesn't work cause it's out of range
Looks like it's just one of those kind of days
You can't kick me down I'm already on the ground
No you can't cause you couldn't catch me anyhow
Blue skies but the sun isn't coming out no
Today it's like I'm under a heavy cloud

And I feel so alive
I can't help myself, don't you realize

I just wanna scream and lose control
Throw my hands up and let it go
Forget about everything and runaway yeah
I just want to fall and lose myself
Laughing so hard it hurts like hell
Forget about everything and runaway yeah

So So is how I'm doing if you're wondering
I'm in a fight with the world but I'm winning
Stay there come closer it's at your own risk
Yeah you know how it is life can be a bitch

But I feel so alive
I can't help myself, don't you realize

I just wanna scream and lose control
Throw my hands up and let it go
Forget about everything and runaway yeah
I just want to fall and lose myself
Laughing so hard it hurts like hell
Forget about everything and runaway yeah

Runaway Runaway

I just wanna scream and lose control
Throw my hands up and let it go
Forget about everything and runaway yeah
I just want to fall and lose myself
Laughing so hard it hurts like hell
Forget about everything and runaway yeah 

就像一個力場站下在那裡,我不但無法接近,更要東躲西藏、遁入無形。

我很容易受到別人影響、洗腦,總是想著用最懶惰的狀態去面對所有事情,有時候會被熱血感動,可是那樣子的充血一下子就會消失,又要再充血一次,才能夠發揮能力,雖然如果前提是已經處在某個激發的狀態或者察覺到孑然一身,沒有退路的非獨立不可的條件下,我才會站的挺挺地,屢試不爽。總是被他人影響、左右,一下子腦充血、控制不住,還有過摔東西的記錄,有些可以改變、有些不行、得過且過地過下去,懶得改變習慣,但,改變習慣是學習之後,進步的一種徵象。

再一次巧遇,就像漫畫場景一樣,怔了兩秒,我可以體會到,諾布面對蟻王強大的念,無法直視的感覺,身上的震動隨之現形,差一點就要被具現化了,不由自主的那種,但是對此還有自覺,只好趕緊逃離,不再像是看見撞到頭那次。像設計師那個禮拜,到最近這次,假設相反的話,不是要配合演出,也不是沒有意義,但就是這樣了。

Each become the last thing to be willing to do.

有一股力量不見了,可是那個不見帶來的好像也不是很糟糕的東西。

我才發現,我是一個很晚發現事情的人,即便已經感受、經歷了,也還沒能釐清自己的感受,或甚,不知道自己有那層感受,就已經過了好久。它們有些,是遭遇之前怎莫想像跟假設也不能揣摩的,而一再經歷的感覺也不會一樣,可是很多事情就是因為這樣才值得去嘗試。

另外一邊,我變得能夠發現自身的固執,表面隨性不是披著羊皮,而是懶惰,懶到沒有意識到自己已經發現了(這裡又延伸出另外一點,我覺得人跟人還是需要一些實體的,接著這又可以連結到畢業製作,可以看看關於林依晨的文章,在Cheers),然後又找出有些東西變得不太一樣了,可以意識到還只是個開始,要如何應對便是另外一個好問題。新觀點跟舊觀點的碰撞,會非常有意思,也會改變我的人生。

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